“Miles poke again, Mom?”
Ahhh…where do I even start. I have so much on my mind. I can’t even really process it all. I guess I just want to let you all know a little about what’s happening in our family. So here goes…
Last Saturday I was itching to get out of the house, so I decided to take the boys and hit an outdoor market. It was so great to get out and stretch my legs, and enjoy the sunshine. When we got back to the car I happened to notice something dark in Miles ear canal. On closer inspection it turned out to be dried blood. I was totally confused. He’d been acting pretty normal, and I had no idea what might cause this. Greg and I decided we had better get him checked out just for good measure, so I dropped B off with Greg and took Miles to the urgent care.
It was a total fluke. He had gotten in there with his little finger and scratched it. I felt so stupid. I decided though that while I had the doctors attention, I would chat with her about a few other things. Might as well get my money’s worth, right? Well, during the conversation I happened to mention that Miles had been peeing like a racehorse. He wouldn’t stop leaking out of his diapers, and I was constantly changing him. I saw a look in her face that I can only describe as a light bulb coming on. She casually asked if his drink consumption had increased drastically. My first though was: Yeah ok, I’m not a retard. I know a lot of liquid leads to a lot of pee. However, before I shared this thought with her, I reflected on the previous few days. Then I thought: Gosh, he really has been asking for drinks constantly. I’ll give him a sippy cup and the next thing I know, he’s handing it back to me asking for more. Wierd. I shared the second thought with her. She suggested we do a blood sugar test. He had a blood sugar level of 400 when normal for him should be around 100. Her face said it all. She said it was very likely that Miles was diabetic, and that we needed to go to the emergency room right away.
I was dumbfounded. I looked at my happy, smiling child sitting next to me and felt like I couldn’t inhale. I obediently drove to the ER. I cried. In the exam room, I held Miles as they tried and tried and tried to find a vein. We both cried. The doctor came in and confirmed to my horror that Miles in fact had developed type 1 diabetes. I can’t even tell you how I felt at that moment. When Greg arrived we learned that we would be moving upstairs to the pediatric ICU to stay for at least a night. Miles was not sick from his condition yet, but they needed to level his sugar out, and observe how he reacted to the insulin shots. He would need insulin now to manage glucose levels for the rest of his life.
He did level out. And while the doctors tried to work out a game plan on how to proceed, we were educated. We learned how to test blood sugar levels. We learned how to give him insulin shots. We were taught how to count carbs, use a “sliding scale” and recognize lows and highs. Needless to say our brains hurt, but things were starting to make sense. By Monday afternoon when it was time to leave we were feeling pretty good… a little unsure, but confident that we could do it. It didn’t take long for that confidence to be totally shaken. That night I sobbed and sobbed as I thought of my new found responsibilities. I felt a crushing weight that I knew would never let up, and to top it all off, I’m still expecting a child in less than two weeks. Somehow I am going to have to learn to trust someone else to care for Miles, and teach them to do what we are barely starting to figure out.
Why do I tell you all this? Well, first of all let me just tell you that Miles is just fine. In fact, he hasn’t ceased to amaze me. I know I’ve skipped over a ton of details…so many of the amazing moments and some of the not so fun ones too. (I do plan on visiting some of those moments later for my sake of remembering.) I guess I just wanted to share how I feel now. As Greg helped me stop sobbing, I started recognizing blessing after blessing. We are amazingly lucky. Miles has to bear this burden for the rest of his life, and that’s horrible! However, it has been incredible to see how he was prepared to bear it. He has a great sense of humor, he’s patient, and he’s totally tough. When it’s time for a blood test or insulin shot he holds out a finger and says, “Miles poke now?” It’s so sweet and it just kills me. He rarely cries and he’s always ready with a smile when we’re done. Another blessing is that we caught it ridiculously early. Most kids who develop it don’t get help until they’re really sick…I mean REALLY sick. All the doctors and nurses kept telling us how unusual it was to have kids like Miles in the beginning. Had he not scratched his ear, the hospital stay would have been much more serious. It was just a matter of time that he would have gotten to that point, and it would have been fast. It’s so much better that we were able to address it this way, before we have to face the challenge of a new baby too. It’s also been really good for Greg and I. I don’t know what I’d do without him. He’s so stable. I, as you may have gathered, am completely unstable right now, but together I feel like we’re unstoppable. I feel like we’re more solid than we’ve ever been. We were not meant to go through this life alone, and I feel so lucky that I have Greg. Speaking of not going through life alone…we have to most amazing family and friends. Everyone who has found out has been so supportive. I can’t thank you enough for your love and prayers. When I take I breath and hold still, I can literally feel the prayers holding me up. Every fiber of my being wishes I could take over for Miles and just let it be me, but I know we’ll all be ok. These are just a few of the blessing I’ve been able to see through this. I definitely know we have a Heavenly Father who takes a personal interest in each of our lives, and I am in awe of that.
just (me)linda 